


It's okay to not be ready

by Subtlety Lost (fishstic)



Series: I Found A Family In You [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/F, Fluffy Smut, NSFW, Smut, THIS IS A THING, a smol ball of frustrated elven sunshine, and, because i respect my partern's wish to not rp nsfw, bridging two parts of an rp thread, but also respect the need of me and her and my character to know exactly what happened, ella cousland - Freeform, in everything not just fanfics, is - Freeform, meiriana mahariel - Freeform, normalize complete consent, normalize consent, normalize fucking stopping when the other person is uncomfortable, normalize knowing what revoked consent is, too gay to function, what happens when it fades to black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 02:10:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5894065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishstic/pseuds/Subtlety%20Lost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all boils down to respect. "Maybe" is not yes. Yes, then panicking is not a yes. Just because you think you can doesn't mean you actually can. Ella respects Meiriana no matter what. That's what girlfriends do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's okay to not be ready

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GayWarden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayWarden/gifts).



Meiriana smiled and shut the door behind them. She was sure of this. Sure of how much she wanted it. How much she wanted Ella. Perhaps that did frighten her a little. She’d never felt something so intensely before.

Ella took her hand gently. “You really don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she whispered.

“You’re going to tell me that and ask permission every step of the way aren’t you?” Meiriana whispered. She was smiling though.

“Every single step,” Ella replied. She led Meiriana over to the bed.

Meiriana grinned and pulled Ella down to sit on the bed with her. “You’re the best.” She smiled and kissed Ella gently. She was happy. This was nice, sitting here on the bed, kissing her girlfriend and for once neither of them were in armor. They were both dressed pretty nicely, in comfortable clothes made of cotton. She brought one of her hands up and gently cupped Ella’s cheek as she pushed the kiss a little further, testing not just herself but Ella as well. She wanted to see if Ella really would let her go as far as she wanted.

Ella kissed her back, a hand moving to her head fingers running through her hair for a moment before stilling just holding her there briefly.

Meiriana deepened the kiss for a moment, briefly fighting and overcoming the fear she used to associate it with. For a moment there was a thought, _how much of this is just me wanting to associate all these actions with something good for once?_ She pulled away for a moment, wanting to let herself just act, but she wasn’t sure she quite knew how.

Ella caught her eyes. “What’s wrong?” she asked quietly, gently.

“I… I’ve just never done this before. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” Meiriana whispered back.

Ella smiled gently. “I can show you, if you really are sure that this is what you want.”

Meiriana smiled. “Really?” It was a silly question, stupid really, she knew Ella could show her, could do this. If there had ever been any doubt about that she probably wouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.

“Of course,” Ella replied. “Relax and let me do all the work, show you want to do then, if you have energy left you can try it yourself.”

“On you right? I mean, I could try it on you, right?” Meiriana was blushing slightly and they hadn’t even done anything yet.

Ella chuckled. “Of course, who else?”

Meiriana giggled but didn’t reply, instead saying, “you’ll be gentle right?”

“I wouldn’t dream of being rough with you,” Ella replied.

Meiriana smiled slightly. “I’m all yours.”

Ella smiled too. She leaned down and kissed Meiriana for a moment, letting her hands trace gentle circles on Meiriana’s back, over her shirt. She moved to kissing down her neck.

Meiriana blushed slightly. Burying her fear deep down, trying not to let it show at all. This was Ella, and Ella would never hurt her. She shivered slightly when she felt cool air on her skin as Ella pulled her shirt free of the breeches she was wearing. There were so many things she was feeling when Ella gently directed her to lying on the bed, most of them good, or so she hoped.

Ella smiled at the blush on her little girlfriend’s cheeks. Meiriana really was quite adorable when she blushed. She pulled Meiriana’s shirt up gently, exposing her stomach. For a second she paused at the sight for small scars crisscrossing it. _A question for another time_. She traced her fingers over the exposed skin, the ghost of a touch, teasing.

Meiriana was trying very hard not to think, not to wonder what Ella might be thinking about the scars. The slight touch made her shiver, in a good way. Everything Ella was doing was making Meiriana feel things most of which she never felt before. She gasped slightly when Ella leaned moved down and trailed kisses up her stomach, hands pushing her shirt up more.

Ella smiled slightly at the sounds Meiriana was making, little small gasps and moans. Small sounds from a small elf it was so cute. Her hands wandered up to Meiriana’s small breasts, all her senses alert for any sign from the elf that she was uncomfortable in any way. Her actions gentle, gentle teasing, gentle touches, her thumbs rubbed gentle circles over the more sensitive parts of her breasts, eliciting more gasps and moans from the elf.

She kissed up higher and higher and let her right hand wander further down still watching for any sign of discomfort from the elf. As she moved to bring her mouth to Meiriana’s breast she noticed that Meiriana was watching her, well as much as she could with her head on the pillow.

“Like what you see?” she whispered. Meiriana nodded. “Are you okay?” Another nod.

Meiriana’s moans were like music. The things Ella was making her feel… indescribable. She was actually really okay with what was being done. Enjoying it immensely. Until Ella’s hand slipped into her breeches, after she had closed her eyes for a moment, trying to focus on the things she was feeling, wanting to put words to them somehow. When that happened, and she felt Ella’s fingers down there, the sound she made was a whimper, and not a good one. She tensed involuntarily and she couldn’t… she tried to bite it all back. To fight the fear, first she felt her tears then she felt the absence of contact.

She opened her eyes and sat up, Ella was sitting beside her looking very _very_ concerned.

“Talk to me,” Ella whispered. “Please.” She had pulled away, stopped, the moment she heard the pained whimper and felt her tense up.

“Ir abelas… I’m sorry,” she whispered back, trying to blink back the tears she could still feel wanting to fall. “I wanted it so badly, I really did, I really do. I thought… I thought I could handle it.”

Ella’s heart broke and she moved first to fix Meiriana’s shirt back to actually covering her before asking her if she was okay with a hug.

Meiriana put herself in Ella’s arms before she had even finished asking about the hug. She was still crying softly and apologizing profusely, and trembling. “I messed everything up.”

“No, no. Shh… It’s okay, you didn’t mess anything up,” Ella said. She moved carefully in the bed so that they would be lying down, cuddling with each other. “You didn’t mess up at all. It’s not your fault at all, I promise. You’re just not ready for this. It’s okay, some day you will be. And you know what? I’ll be here for you, right by your side, the whole time.”

Meiriana laid there beside Ella with her head on Ella’s chest. “You promise?”

“I promise.”

Somehow, Meiriana knew she meant that promise, and she trusted it. How could she not trust someone who promised not to hurt her, then stopped the moment she realized that she was no matter how much either of them didn’t intend it to be like that. She’d have to be pretty stupid not to trust Ella, not to trust her girlfriend. “I love you,” she whispered, feeling sleepy but also feeling quite ashamed that she hadn’t been able to feel more than what she had before panicking. “If it matters, I really _really_ liked what I was feeling before I closed my eyes. It was… indescribable.”

“It matters,” Ella said gently. “I’m glad I could make you feel those things, however briefly it might have lasted.”

“Will you stay? Hold me? Sleep here with me?” Meiriana asked. “Please?” she added quietly.

“Of course,” Ella said gently running her fingers through Meiriana’s hair. “I had no intentions of leaving.”

Meiriana snuggled a little closer and after a while, fell asleep.


End file.
